How to master yourself: the syndrome of postponed life during the war

The psychological phenomenon, according to which a person constantly worries about the past or the future, cannot live “here and now”, is called the “postponed life syndrome”. Almost everyone is affected by this syndrome. Remember yourself in peacetime: “when the children grow up, then I ...”, “the new year will come, then ...”, “I will start on Monday ...”

Now, during the war, the postponed life syndrome manifests itself quite clearly. People worry about the future, which does not have a specific deadline, and plan to live only after it ends. We are all waiting for a victory, a return home, or a certain turning point, after which real life will finally begin or return. Such a special form of perception of reality exhausts our nervous system. If you do not live now, then consider that the enemy has already defeated you, you gave him your life.

How to identify and overcome SVZH?

Psychologists agree that the basis of the delayed life syndrome should be sought in childhood. For example, the child was praised only for certain achievements, they were allowed to rest only after the work done. All this forms the idea that a person has no right to happiness without achieving concrete results. The same thing is happening now: "I will be able to return to my usual life only after the end of the war."

Such thoughts threaten depression, because people do not know how to enjoy just like that. If a person had psychological trauma in peacetime, war will only aggravate the situation. Therefore, you should not hesitate and consult a psychologist.

On the channel " Psychological support " medical psychologist and trauma therapist Oksana Stepanyuk cites special cases of FLS. Let's consider them.

I want to continue living, but my relatives do not understand me and condemn me

Condemnation of a loved one is the easiest way to throw out your own aggression. This makes others feel guilty, agree with the accusations. But it can lead to a deterioration in the psychological state of a person who is prone to feelings of guilt and perceives condemnation at his own expense.

You need to be prepared that your loved ones may react negatively to your transformation, because they do not expect changes in their lives, they do not need them. But do not focus on someone else's picture of the world.

What to do in this case:

• try to limit communication with the person who makes you feel guilty;
• if that is not possible, imagine that you are in a cocoon. Let all accusations in your direction not penetrate inside, but bounce off the protective surface;
• praise yourself for the smallest deeds and successes every day;
• find in your environment a person who will support you in this situation;
• do not impose your views at any cost on a person who disagrees with you, but draw your boundaries. “I’m not ready to continue this conversation right now” or “Don’t talk to me like that, I don’t like it.”

I am safe , but I feel confused and apathetic. I do not know how to return the feeling of a fulfilling life

Leaving areas where active hostilities are taking place, people often face just such a problem. We moved to a safe place, what's next? Confusion stems from the fact that there is no next goal.

Here you need the support of a psychologist to cope with the main task in this situation - to rebuild the time line. How is the action timeline collected? The simplest example: a psychologist asks you to remember how you brushed your teeth a week, a month and a year ago. Then - as they did today and tomorrow.

The next step is to move on to planning. First, set yourself a goal for the next 30-60 minutes. Then another hour. But one should not expect from oneself a clear understanding of what will happen next. Remember that you are under a lot of stress. First, restore strength, draw plans for the near future, and then proceed to restore order in everyday life, as well as in the social, personal, and professional spheres.

After moving, I don't want to leave the house. I'll take action when the war is over

The third month of the war has passed. During this time, people were divided into three categories:

• those who understand that life goes on, even despite the war. They retained the resource psyche without complex traumas;
• those who want to move on, but something keeps stopping them. They seemed to be stuck in an intermediate phase. They may experience strong feelings of guilt;
• those who seemed to have remained on the first day of the war. They are awake, do not eat, forbid themselves any pleasure. This condition makes them react aggressively to the desire of others to live on.

In the latter case, you should promptly seek help from a family doctor or therapist who can diagnose the problem and refer you to a neurologist or psychiatrist. Without proper care, the risk of PTSD, depression and anxiety disorders can increase.

Please note that the material does not contain medical advice and is for general information purposes only. Be sure to consult your doctor for medical advice.

We also remind you that you can get psychological help on the Tell Me Internet platform, which operates around the clock and provides free online consultations. To get help, you need to briefly describe your request and send a request through tellme.com.ua.

Stay healthy!